Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
