Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
