I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I lost the right to judge tonight
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
