Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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