i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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