theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do vagina's smell?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
