god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
