Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
