You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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