2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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