Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
