my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
