i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
