Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
