I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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