He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
