Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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