No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
