I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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