I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
