Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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