they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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