I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
