you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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