I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
