i don't plan on having that self control this summer
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
