so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
