oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
