Pappa wants mamma naked
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
