I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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