Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
