At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
