yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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