Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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