Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
