you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
