considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
