Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
