Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
