i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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