did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
