your parents love me but you hate me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
