On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Damn victory sex feels great
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
