don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
