Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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