I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
