We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
