do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
