I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
