I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
