I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
