Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
